Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God I need to hump something, right now.
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