woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
