i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
