just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
