Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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