But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
