3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
