I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
