He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
