All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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