i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
