is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
