I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
