everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
