The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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