Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
