put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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