If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
