Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
a search helicopter?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
