Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
