ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
