Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
