I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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