please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
