Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
