so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
