i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize