i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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