Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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