Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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