so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
