Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
