from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
