I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
