You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
