Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
