She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my shit smells like andre
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
PANTIES FOUND
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