You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
