Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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