Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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