I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
