I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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