i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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