Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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