HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
