worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
