I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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