peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
