True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
