lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
