ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
