After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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